Out of Darkness
"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:5
I went to mass today at the local parish, and I was inspired by Fr. Rob’s homily. He encouraged us to be bold in our sharing of the faith. With that inspiration, I am writing this post. Everyone experiences darkness. Children, and adults, tend to be afraid of the dark at times. I can recall being with my family in the mountains of West Virginia where there is no light pollution. The view of the sky and the stars is incredible, but when you look away from the sky you can barely see your hand in front of your face.
There is a dichotomy: the sky illuminated by stars and galaxies, and the enclosing darkens that surrounds us. We have all experienced darkness and light - in nature, in art, and in our own souls. Towards the end of college I started to see more darkness than light. I began to struggle with my mental health. This progressed to the point where I had to be hospitalized a few times in my twenties.
Among other things, I suffer from treatment resistant depression. Sometimes it is very hard to have a good day. I would say we all encounter suffering in different ways and to different degrees. In my darkest moments I cried out to God for help, healing and hope. I was desperate. Most of the time I felt nothing in return. During one of these bouts of depression I was at church praying the stations of the cross. I realized that through Jesus’ torture, suffering and death He also took on our suffering. He walks with me in my pain, sin, despair, and offers his light.
One thing I had to learn is that Jesus can share his light in a multitude of ways. There are times when I do not feel good, when I am angry and tired, but the healing of God does not rely on how I feel or how well or poor my health, faith life, or relationships are. My finite circumstance do not dictate God’s power in my life.
There are times when I do not feel God’s presence, but I came to believe that Jesus was suffering with me, and he desired to carry my pain and redeem it. In these intimate moments with Jesus I came to understand that my life is either for Christ, or for nothing. There is no in between. We all suffer, but there is hope in Jesus Christ. He suffers with us, and not only that but he redeems us and transforms us with His dazzling light. I pray and beg you to not settle for mediocrity and the disillusionment and darkness of the world. I have found that there is only one hope and that is Jesus.
Know that I am praying for all those who read this that you will abandon yourself to the mercy and healing of God, and allow Him to work wonders in your life. He is there whether you feel him or not. Jesus is with you, cling to him, and let the light of his face shine upon you.
